Please Just Don't Pee on my Pants

The trials, tribulations and successes of a teacher on her own journey towads independence.

Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm Sorry - Really Do You Think I'm Crazy

So after years of tearing me down to the point where I was nothing you think that a simple i'm sorry please come back into my life will work? - my response - are you on crack? It has taken me three years to get back on my feet and find myself... and it has been a long and hard road of recovery from abuse. It has taken close friends, hospital stays, counseling and doctor appointments, the financial support of my father many times over, loss of the ranch and my horses... it almost cost me my life - and you - you have the guts to tell me this morning you are sorry - sorry for what? Threatening to kill your children? Threatening to cut off their fingers if they touched your tools again? Punching a wall because your 10 year old daughter forgot to turn the rice cooker on so you punch a hole in the wall right next to her head?
Sorry really? Bull Shit - I've been down that road one too many times, well actually several too many times and I've moved on; I'm in a happy place; my home is finally peaceful and my children sleep in their rooms because they aren't afraid of what is going to happen next. They know it is okay if they spill a glass of milk because it can be cleaned up and isn't the end of the fucking world - sorry really? Sorry for telling me how stupid I am and how useless I am in life... how what I do for work and where I work is a waste of my life... really - go to hell. You see sometimes - I'm sorry doesn't work, sometimes I'm sorry is too late. And all the time, every day I'm glad I walked away and haven't looked back. My one and only regret is being so scared of being by myself that I took all the crap I took. Now I know that life by myself is so much better, safer and fun being free. Become a captive of your world and a pwan of your life... to that I politely say - NO THANKS!


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