You know one of the things I miss about teaching is showing kids how to write from their heart. How to put their emotion on the page and take someone's breath away... not an easy thing to do, but what a fabulous writer is able to do on occassion. While teaching there were times they took my breath away, there were times their writing was so strong it brought tears to all of our eyes, there were times the author couldn't even finish sharing the piece because it was so close to his heart we all just had to stop and breathe. The respect those kids had that year was amazing - no one said a word, they just waited patiently until he could go on. It is that kind of writing I miss. I miss inspiring young minds to stretch beyond the ordinary and scream to the world something totally new from deep inside their soul.
The other night I tried to take two of my published pieces from class and merge them into one with new heart built in... didn't work... I wasn't surprised as my heart wasn't the same place it was when I wrote the two pieces one 8 years ago and the other 10 years ago... our hearts change, our perspectives on life change - hell the whole world changes in ways that we can't even begin to imagine.
Writing from my heart was so easy back then, heck I was writing for school children, even if my writing wasn't the greatest it was good enough to impress them. I feel my soul screaming to write again - but write for who. One ultimatly writes for them selves for their own heart and what they need to share with the world. Sharing that kind of writing in an open forum like this is a huge risk. What if someone doesn't like what a say? What if I piss someone off? What if i put someone in an awkward position that they didn't expect? What if I share something so deep that it isn't shared back... does one fear the rejection? I need more then my writer's notebook and publishing the way I taught kids to publish in school. But it always needs to be safe, a safe, risk free audience. Then I think of the author of the blook Crazy Love. He took some huge risks in being judged for his feelings and his beliefs, but it didn't matter - what he had to share was so powerful that nothing could hold it back.
So my heart is in a different place now then it has ever been before, of course that shouldn't be surprising considering how life changes and throws us curve balls. I crave to write again from my soul, my spirit from somewhere beyond my conscious mind to the recesses and chambers of my heart where real living should be taking place, real loving should be taking place. Moving beyod the superficial world that exists so that everyone can be safe at least most of the time and move beyond that to the top of the mountain where perhaps it isn't so safe, where perhaps you may stand to close to the cliff and walk on the ledge... enjoying the rush of really living.