It seems like ages since I have written anything in this forum, but in reality it hasn't been as long as I think; just a few four short days. So what have I been doing... spending time and thinking about my boyfriend. Yes, you heard me right I did say boyfriend. At first that word off my lips seemed strange; a term I haven't learned in years, but in reality that is what he is. We love each other so why not call it what it is; and it makes us both happy. Do we know where this is going? No. Do we really care where this is going? No. We just enjoy each other's company and spending time together - we miss each other when we don't get the chance to spend at least a bit of time together each day.
You know when you begin to get to know someone you do so cautiously; or usually one does, or usually I do - my guard is up high as are the walls and fence around me to protect me; but this is different. That wall just melted immediately away which I wasn't prepared for but that I'm thankful for. The opportunity to learn about him while at the same time learning about myself new things through sharing who I am, what I believe and what I stand for. Part of me has known some of those things for years - I just hadn't articulated them per say.
Do I hope for the most out of this relationship - of course I do, who wouldn't. Do I let my mind wander to places that perhaps it is too soon to go - I have decided that is ok too. I have decided to let myself go so that the real me can be present - the me that isn't a retired teacher, the me that doesn't study the behavior of autistic children daily, the me that is a mom on guard all the time to avoid the next world war... I'm just letting me be me and it feels wonderful. He and I seem to be able to talk about anything and ask questions on any topic and I love the way that freedom feels. Does that freedom come at an expense? I'm finding not really; just the willingness to take the risk and let the other person into your heart.
So where am I going with this today - don't really know I suppose... just that I hope others will take the plunge even if they think they aren't ready, even if it doesn't seem logical, even if geography is a challenge... for others to listen to their heart and soul and make decisions from there rather than the logical mind.