Please Just Don't Pee on my Pants

The trials, tribulations and successes of a teacher on her own journey towads independence.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Water for Dinner so Kids Can Eat

You know I find myself in a place I never imagined I would be. Some would say from the wrong side of the tracks I suppose although my house is clean, my kids are clean and they are fed. Those are the things I find of most importance. I push them to do their best in school although it doesn't seem to be good enough for me. I try to encourage them in sports because I know without sports I never would have survived school.

I grew up middle class, like most of my friends I think. There may have been one or two rich and one or two on the poor side, but most of us were in the middle. It is interesting to find myself living in low income housing, not working, and skipping meals to be sure that my children have food. I suppose there are millions that have done that in the past, I was never sympathetic to them or what they faced. Do I dare say I was judgemental - I was... now I am greatly humbled and I know my God has placed me here to bring me down a few notches.

Where does one go when one can no longer afford low in come housing - I have no idea - perhaps they give up their identiy and move back in with their parents - in this case my dad who is well in his 70s by now and still working.

I went to college so that I would have a job. I was extremely good at my job, but became too expesive to employ. The knowledge I have is worth more than most can imagine, but I can't put it to use as they say I'm "over qualified" I know more than I need to know and I think that intimidates people. New principals don't like me because I have run a school before. Sped people don't like me because I have more experience in autism and severe disabilities than most people with a sped degree have in their little finger.

It may sound as if I'm bragging I'm not... not really... I'm simply trying to survive... trying to keep food on the table for my kids, keep them interested in an education, keep most of the bills paid most of the time. Have heat in the house so we don't get too cold and airconditioning in the summer so we don't get too hot.

On the flip side... at their father's they have no heat, they have no food, yet he is buying a new truck. I try not to be bitter, I try not to be angry... but I am totally frustrated and don't know where I am going from here... forward, backward, staying in one place spinning my wheels... praying for times of the past when the world was a much safer place.

Peace and Love,

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