Unemployed, really unemployed for the first time ever... makes one really take a look at what is really important in life. I had the big ranch with the horses, the dogs, the goats... gave it all up for my freedom from my husband. I have had it all many times in my life, guess most of my life actually. After Libya we always had what we needed, even there we had what we needed except ground beef - takes a while to get used to camel. But that isn't what this is all really about... this is about having priorities screwed up for so many years and it took God a whopping HELLO! to finally get my attention.
I did what I was suppose to do... went to college (several times as I dropped out a lot). The final time I moved to Guam back in with my parents. Stayed completey away from boys - sort of - there were the boys I played soccer with... I got a taste of my priorities there - family first - my mom, my dad and me... then of course Max (the best dog that ever lived - my heart aches for him still) then came school followed by work... imagine work being last.
In August I went to the psychiatrist for the first time really - had been before but only for depression... now it is bipolar 3... at least that is what he said last week when I had to stay with a sister for a week and my dad had to watch my kids.
Finally home it is hard, the quiet of the day. No TV - imagine that... me and books to read, photo albums to make (focus right now on Libya for dad for Valentine's day)... I'm not used to being home. I'm used to wrestling with kids, pulling them out of the ceiling occassionally, slamming doors and being cussed at, bit, hit normal stuff like that... do I miss that - sometimes, but mostly NO...
God finally has gotten my attention and thank the Lord he did so before it was to late. My focus shouldn't be on my career, my job always coming first - it needs to be last. My focus now is on my kids... not that they get what they want, but they don't get to run mommy over because mommy is to tired to do what she knows needs to be done - too tired to be stern for a change. I'm thankful that I'm no longer a teacher, but figuring out what I am without a title is hard... Mom is a title, but a new one for me.
So finally I get to love my kids even more. I get to wait outside the kindergarten classroom and meet Lorenzo and have him jump into my arms - just because he wants it and I can finally do it.
Peace and Love,