Please Just Don't Pee on my Pants

The trials, tribulations and successes of a teacher on her own journey towads independence.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Day 5ish - Everyone Just Settle Down Ranch

Day 5 – Everybody Just Settle Down Ranch
Wednesday, September 8, 2010. The kids woke up early, way early. They were so excited! From 6:30 until 8:10 all I heard was “Mom is it time to go?” I should be happy they wanted to go to their new school with such enthusiasm but they were actually driving me NUTS.
When I returned to the house I actually had to find a way to get through the gate to the house without Bucky escaping. Eventually when he was on the other side of the house I got brave and made a run for it. Safely in the yard without an escaping dog… YES!
My first day completely alone on the “Ranch”… I decided to be homey and make zucchini bread, found a recipe had most of the ingredients… didn’t know that until I was well into the mess. Somehow we had no vanilla so I substituted almond flavoring. It seems to have worked; but maybe that is just because I haven’t had zucchini bread since I was a teenager living in Wisconsin and at that time – anything with vegetables and a sever lack of grease didn’t count as food.
I must say Greg has been very attentive today. He has made me feel much loved. He does on most days; but today for some reason is more special – not sure why – just is.
So I get to smell the baking of bread and type… that is when I really decided to make this a bit of a series… my journey into a new world… into the soul of what really matters in earth. So now off I go, with just slightly less than a quarter tank of gas and 20 cents to my name – off to collect the kids from school. What next? Time will tell.
Well time told of course… this evening I had a huge, huge break down. My children that I love with all my heart I couldn’t take care of. This is the first time since they were born that I felt that way. Eliza and Lorenzo both needed allergy medicine. I had lost what we had, knew where it was when we moved so it must have vanished into thin air (hey, parents can use that as excuse too you know). So in my room I laid down and cried. I cried and cried and cried because I didn’t have $1.10 to go across the stupid street and get them each an allergy pill. I felt so useless and so helpless; such a horrible mother who can’t even take care of her own kids.
Eliza and Lorenzo eventually raided their piggy bank and came up with enough money to purchase the medicine. So with a crying face, jamies and socked feet I went to the quick store across the street. Put all their money on the counter and asked for Benadryl. Then I walked out sobbing without waiting for the change. I was distraught, I was in pain, I wanted someone to hold me and tell me I was doing the right thing. I wanted to take care of my kids rather than have them take care of me.
I couldn’t even talk to Terri or Greg… that night I CRIED!

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