Please Just Don't Pee on my Pants

The trials, tribulations and successes of a teacher on her own journey towads independence.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Penning the Future

Until yesterday I thought life was really just one long story being told by someone else who had control of most things. Sure we made choices and we reacted to our choices, but the situations we found ourselves in were created by some other author -some figure unknown to us who enjoyed messing with our minds and watching us try to figure shit out.

It is really, only now, at the beginning of the third book of my life that I have learned I'm the author of what happens and I get to pen the future the way I want it to go. I may not know some of the specifics; or even some of the main events; but I do have control over me, who I am, what I think, and how I choose to react to the rest of the world when they decide to rock my boat so hard it throws me into the water.

See until today I considered it vicious enemies throwing granades at me as I try to pick up the shards that were left of my heart and hold all the pieces bleeding and dismantled... wondering how on earth I was ever going to get anything right and put back together in my life. And that was how I allowed the world to pen my life. That is how I lived in a basic survival mode - things happened I responded, usually in some logical way that I thought would put the pieces back together.

Now, today I have someone holding my heart and helping me put it back together - and boy is it an amazing feeling to have someone care enough to help... pulling pieces of glass out, rearranging the mess... but at the same time remembering that you know - when my brother used to tip over that damn fishing boat in the middle of the lake - it was never a granade because I knew how to swim.

So I'm not saying that there isn't work to be done in my life at the beginning of this book, but I am saying what a nice, amazing feeling to finally close the cover of the old books and put them behind me... how nice it is to have someone holding my hand in the corner and telling me it will all be ok... step out just a little, breathe, and don't forget to swim. I am so thankful that person held out his hand, listened and let me know - time to move on... open a new book.


No comments:

Post a Comment