Waiting

The waiting place in life is a horrid place to be... but I'm usually over impulsive and I know that. I want to get out of Benson. I have the money to get out of Benson. Yet the idea of moving forward into the even more unknown has shaken me so. Last night I was sure it would be better to stay here, save the money for a rainy day and just exist. This morning I'm sure it is time to move on where there are more opportunities for my family and myself. A bigger town, more to do for the kids, a place where my dog can call home, a fresh start, a new beginning... but what does that beginning bring with it - what if's can drive one to absolute insanity so I don't even want to begin that game... One can what - if life away and to death. Sometimes I think we just need to trust in our own strength, our own knowledge of the world and ask God for his blessing, especially if where we are currently is toxic and not good for us - not feeding our soul what it so desperatly needs in order to be at peace with the world. There are times I miss having someone to make big decisions although he never did - it was always up to me... and so far I haven't really screwed things up too badly - I don't think one can unless they walk toward the dark side of the world. As long as one is working on the light our trials and tribulations will always work out to bring us somewhere beyond where we were. Hmmmm... thinking, contemplating - both can be over done. Sometimes you just have to do what your heart tells you is right and let the rest of life follow. So no more waiting - time to move on... tired of the questions of the people in this town...